Let me start by telling you that this semester started off a little rocky. Being the infamous procrastinator that I am, I did not buy my parking permit until a few hours before I had to go to school. Now, let me try to redeem myself. I thought I had bought a full year parking permit. Guess not. And, to my luck everyone else in the freaking school is also a procrastinator and was trying to buy a permit AT THE SAME TIME that I was which caused the site to lag.

Therefore, it took me a lonnggggg time to buy one because it took like a freaking hour for each section to load. In the end, I couldn’t even print out the temporary parking permit so I used my receipt as one instead. Two days later and still no parking ticket. Things were going smoother than I thought.

Until I went into my biology lecture only to be overwhelmed by masses and masses of bodies. Yes. I think I am somewhat claustrophobic. Needless to say, I spent a majority of the class time watching the clock having no recollection in my memory what time the class was supposed to end. I also really have no recollection of a majority of the discussion since it was all just talking about the syllabus, but I do recall the professor saying ”giant penis on screen” which preceded a growing roar of laughter in which I sat in rebellious silence until it passed over.

My chemistry lab teacher has an eyebrow piercing. Yes, that is correct. My teacher, has an eyebrow piercing. I seriously walked into the classroom, and walked back outside, and walked back inside to look at the board discovering that it was indeed my lab class. Excuse me if I sound a bit, stereotypical, but I expected to find some conservative lady with some turtle neck and black pants. Nope, I found a caucasion female probably late 20’s with two balls on her eyebrows and an earring in the middle of her ear. Awesome.

I also managed to break my umbrella in the rain Monday morning, but all was well because I managed to stay dry.

All in all however, I enjoy my professors so far. They seem fun, and excited. The coursework on the other hand is already making my head spin.

I can do this though.

TIME TO DO WORK. SPRING ‘11 YOU ARE GOING DOWN.

I haven’t written in some time and a part of me has the urge to scribble something down before this temporary lack of writing becomes something permanent. However, whenever I sit down to write nowadays, my pen lays at a standstill and the words that had once spent countless hours knocking on the doors of my mind are now, completely silent. Perhaps fatigue has kidnapped and stowed them away, or perhaps they had become tired of waiting outside of a door that would so often refuse to be opened, and so they left. Either way, once I had finally opened my doors again, the words were no longer to be found. Words that had once so faithfully drifted out of my hands when my mouth could not paint the picture that I was trying to portray are now absent from the barren lengths of my fingers. What a tragedy this is that now lays straggled before me.

Come home my words, these pages are empty and forlorn and my hands feel inadequate and incomplete, without you.

Come home. The doors are wide open.

I have finally accepted that one day, you will forget me entirely.

That one morning you will wake up disorientated and tangled in the white sheets that you and I had spent countless mornings tangled in one another in, and wonder why there is a lack of warmth that you had once been so familiar with. That perhaps one afternoon you will be lodged on the couch watching television with another woman, her head nestled on your shoulder, and wonder why it does not feel right. And it is because her head does not fit on your shoulder as mine did, and you will begin to question whether or not she is actually the right woman for you having no recollection in your memory that I was. That one evening, you will drive home from work tired and stressed from your job in bitter silence and come home to an even greater silence when so many nights before I had met you at the door with a roast in the oven, a smile on my face, and a reassurance that someone loved you even when your job did not. Your feeling of emptiness however will amplify once you go to bed. It will amplify when you turn over to your side, greeted by an empty pillow and wonder if it had always been so empty when so many evenings I had laid by your side, hand on your chest and head nestled in the fold where your neck met your shoulder. And you will spend many a night awake unable to sleep because you no longer had my soothing lullabies to chase away your worries, and stress until sleep entered your domain and swept you away.

But you have forgotten me, as I knew you would.

Perhaps your wall was too high, and my ropes were too short. Blocking yourself out from the world. Blocking yourself out from your life. Blocking yourself out from me.

I hope that one day however, emptiness won’t forever remain your companion when you go to sleep in the evening. That loneliness won’t accompany you home from work in the silence of the night. That bitter resentment won’t sit at the table with you every morning when you have your breakfast.

And I hope it’s because one day, you will once again remember me. You can forget me. But you can never forget the feelings that I left in the everyday things that accompany you.